Education

Education has always been a very important aspect in my life, ever since I was little. My parents always told me to do good in school so that I didnt I have to work as hard as they did. They told me that going to school would benefit me for the rest of my life. It would help me get a job easier and I wouldn't have to work so hard to get money. They wanted what was best for me and that was education. Ever since I can remember I saw my brother and sister come home from school and do their homework. They never really struggled with school until they began college. Well at least for my sister I watched her sit at the table for hours doing homework. For my brother it came easier than it was for my sister and I. And well me. I'm me. Ive always struggle with school. I think the only time I got straight A's was in 5th grade and thats becasue my teacher was a hippie and gave everyone an A. He didnt really care and at that moment I thought I was the best in the world. The years before that obviously i just got A's and B's. In 4th grade I remember I got my first C and I was devastated. I couldnt believe I was only 9 and I was already getting C's. Oh man was I in for a surprise. Its not that Im not smart I just dont have the motivation and brains like my sister and brother did. And as much as i hate comparing myself to them I always do because I always hope to be like them in that aspect. Smart. School has always been a struggle but I think its because I never asked for help. I never showed I struggled or didnt do my homework because I was embarrased I wasnt like them. School just isnt my thing.
Although this college semester wasnt the best start to another 3 years I plan to change that aspect in my life and make it the best. I know it wont be easy but I want to work harder for what I deserve. I either want to be a child psychologist, a teacher, or a writer. Either or I know ill do great in but I need that pathway of college to get me there. I cant just get there with a snap of my fingers. So what I'm trying to get at is education is important kids. Its always been and will always be important in this life. Intelligence is key in life. If you have intelligence you can have more than you ever dreamed of. Be smart with your decisions. Be smart with school. Because school is the gateway to a very successful future.
Carry on folks.

Perfection

April 5th their album came out. I didn't have it by midnight like a lot of other crazed fans. I actually went out and bought it because I have their other 3 albums. When I listened to the preview of the songs a week earlier I didnt know if I liked it or not. It was different from their last album because it was a bit too poppy for me. But once I bought the album it's all I listened to for 3 days straight. I had it on repeat and lisened to it any change I had. In the bathroom, on my way to school, next to my cat, doing homework, showering. I just kept trying to let it sink in. The first couple of times I just listened to the instruments more and then started getting into the lyrics. I had a couple favorites that I had a repeat more than others. "Ain't it fun" is by far my favorite on the album. The song is talking about going into the real world and pretty much just growing up. Not being able to go to your mom crying, because its the real world now and you have to handle it by yourself. "Ain't it easy to ignore trouble
When you're living in a bubble". One of em my favorite lines of the song because so many people think life is so easy when you have everything you want, your mom or dad giving you whatever you want or busting you out of trouble. Well in the real world it isnt like that kids. You have to learn your lesson because someone isnt going to pick you up everytime you fall. Its not going to be easy to just get up and brush it off, there will be days where you have to really struggle to get back on just your knees. So thats why I love that song because it relates to my situation of moving out in a month with a friend. Even though I live with my sister right now who isnt as strict as my parents were but I wont be with family anymore. Its a big transition for me and listening to this song kind of prepares me for the big world out there
Another one of my favorite songs is "Still Into You". Talking about someone still being into their partner after a couple years of being together. She still gets the butterfly effect and even after all that time shes still into him or her. Doesnt really pertain to my life because I dont really have someone that I've like for a while. I get butterflies with one girl though but I just met her and we havent dated yet. But maybe someday I'll get to sing that song to her after years of dating or marriage. You just never know.
Overall all the songs have something to say about what Im going through at the moment. Its a great album and I really really enjoy listening to it. Its by far my favorite of the four and it just helps me with life. It really does and like Hayley Williams said "support music everyday, because there isnt a day where music hasnt supported you". I absolutely love that quote because it is very true. Since the day I started listening to Paramore I havent felt completely alone. Their music really gets me in the mood to just live life. They have a couple debbie downer songs but even those have helped me cope with the pain through the years. I really dont think I'll stop liking Paramore. I've liked them since 8th grade and thats what? 5 years. I can see myself being a fan for a while. I even have a Paramore inspired tattoo on my back. Well actually its their album cover from "Brand New Eyes". I love it more and more each day and I love the band they come out with songs. They're an inspiration to my everyday life and I'll be seeing them in about 3 weeks. So im really excited for that and I will continue to be a Paramore fanatic. They're my "only exception".

Confusion at it's finest

I lift my head up to only see that others are broken without a visual. I can understand that their smile isnt real but a mask to cover the pain. They dont understand that we fight a battle everyday and they have no clue. They watch us with intensity in the moments where we are holding it together, trying our best not to break. But they turn away when our veins are bursting through our skin. We see the world as a playground in our best moments but our battlefield when we wake. I dont understand the world just as much as they do. They seem just as lost and confused as I have been for the last 18 years of life. We fight like itll be our last breath but we dont enjoy like its our first. We see the negative outcomes of every situation instead of seeing it as a lesson. Our lives are not clear because we think too much, we over analyze every detail of our every day life. We dont enjoy the details, we make them clues as to what is next.
She lifts her head to only see the smiling faces of the people she loves most. She understands their joy and happiness of life. She makes life seem so easy because nothing seems more clear than the life she has lived. She walks from hall to hall with nothing but a grin, saying hello to strangers who also enjoy life. She wakes everyday to only laugh at the gift God has blessed her with. Her every breath is never a regret but a thank you for letting her have another. Her eyes glisten with the sun and they light up the others around. Her soul is there, her mind is filled with love, and her heart is filled with hope. She enjoys the moments and appreciates the details. She never puts her head down because that is her first sign of death. She only looks up to her future and engraves the prosperous words of others into her heart. She is not giving up ever. She will never give up. Because giving up means she has lost the war.
I dont really understand myself. I dont understand the things I write sometimes either. I just let my mind do the talking and my heart do the correcting. I dont understand why sometimes I can be both the views above. I see the world as an imperfect place and I can see it as the most breathtaking place God has to offer. I dont understand why sometimes I feel maybe I look at others and wonder if theyre going through the same. Does it really matter? They arent effecting me or anything why should I think about it all the time. Why do I always wonder what the hell others are feeling and thinking about. As long as they arent hurting me it shouldnt ever matter. I dont understand this passage. I dont really know if who I"m talking about is me. Of if its someone I see in the mirror. Why? Who? When? How? I'm misunderstood and this is by the far the most confusing blog youll ever have to read thats mine. Because right now I'm broken into two people. The dark side and the good side. And to be honest they both feel so good. And later I might feel like the strong girl who enjoys every detail. But for now I'll just smile and act like everything's ok.
Good day.

3 Days Grace

The last 3 days have been quite eventful. More eventful than in the month of March. On Monday I went to a Sleeping With Sirens concert, and I'm sure a lot of you have no idea who they are. Well theyre one of my favorite bands and they happened to be my girlfriend's favorite band. She listened to them daily and I really got into them,since she had them on, not kidding, all the time! They're lyrics were extremely lovey dovey for a punk rock group but theyre actually really great. If you have the chance you should check them out. Anyway, I got to see them play a couple acoustic songs and we got to meet them. They were pretty cool and I got the lead singer to sign my arm right by the tattoo I dedicated to her.
Once the concert started it was great to listen to them again. Even though I had seen them twice already, it was still a great concert. They played "Iris" the cover they did by the Goo Goo Dolls. That song really hit me hard. I began to listen to it a lot after she passed away, it was as she was talking to me through the song. I didnt cry but all I could do was keep my eyes open to hold back the tears. They later got into their more punk rock songs and the sad feeling went away. But then they played "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" and thats when I couldnt really control what I was feeling. I sang at the top of my lungs and I was sure my voice box would rip open through my neck. My heart was beating louder than hell and it may have been louder than the music itself. When it got to "your forever is all that I need" I looked up and I felt her presence. I remembered all the amazing moments we once had. From the first time we listened to the song to the last time I ever saw her. All I could do was smile and just keep singing. I knew she was there, I felt her in that moment like I never have before. It was like she was there, standing next to me, giving me a kiss on the cheek for the last time. After the concert I went home and cried. Of course, because I had never felt so close to someone who had already passed away. But in that moment I realized that I needed to let her go. I needed to free her spirit so she can rest in peace, once and for all. Lingering onto her will not give her any peace nor will it give me any. The memories and the love will always be there, but hoping and praying that she'll send me strength wont get me anywhere. I need to find my own strength and learn how to not rely on her to send me good vibes. So as of that day, I will be moving. I dont really know how long itll be until I break down, or if I'll ever break down like that again. All I know is that I need to close that chapter in my life so I can open and start the next one. I'll always love you Adri, always, but you and I both know that I need to move on so I can finally be happy again.
Tuesday was just another Tuesday. I slept all day long since the night before I got home late and the concert was pretty rowdy. So my body was sore and I was tired. I just wanted to lay there all day long and not do a thing. Which I did for maybe half the day but then I got up and went on with my life It was time to go to math class and I did then did some homework. As usual I went and did my daily gym trip and I was walking out to my car I noticed my window was cracked.. again! It looked like someone had thrown a rock and failed to break the whole window. It was shattered and for once I was calm went back in there and filed a report. I got back in my car, called my best friend to tell her about it and moved on with my life. As I was driving the pieces of glass were flying off. Very dangerous but I made it home with just a couple cuts. I didnt cry surprisingly and just went to bed and figured it all out the next day. Nothing got stolen, and they didnt actually break into the car. It could have been much worse and thats why I didnt let it get to me. I dont understand why things like that happen to me, but its life and I wont let things like that pull me down.
The next day which was Wednesday I had another concert to go to. Pierce the Veil. They're also like Sleeping with Sirens, a punk rock group that a lot of people actually know. I went to school did all my things and finally went to the concert with my best friend Elena. The concert was absolutely insane! I could not believe how many people were there. I didnt even know Reno had that many people who like Pierce the Veil. I guess theyre a lot more popular than I expected. So as we walked in there were already tons of people crowding around the stage. It was extremely stuffy and it smelled pretty bad. That wasnt even the worst because we were on the outside of the crowd. We decided to make our way through to the front of the stage to get a better look at the bands. The closer you got to the stage the smellier, the more sweat you came in contact with, the more people rubbed up on every inch of your body. You can get the picture. It was PACKED like sardines. I couldnt believe how many people were in that place. But all I cared about was getting as close as possible and just having fun. Because we were at a punk rock concert of course there were moshpits. Moshing is probably the craziest and most idiotic thing at rock concerts. Its just a bunch of guys and girls in a circle throwing their arms around violently. There were mosh pits at every corner. No matter how crazy the crowd was the band was amazing. They pumped up the crowd like no other. I had never felt so alive during and after a concert. Even though my body was in pain my mind was running wild. The singer talked a little about how music is always there for people and how many times it had saved any of us. Of course I yelled at the top of my lungs. Music has always been there for me when no one else was. Music is my best friend, my life, and my other half. It has always supported me and I will always support it back. I love music. And I love how amazing the last 3 days were. I had one down and 2 great ups. I realized that life isnt always going to be laughs and happiness. There will be downs and you just have to learn to keep moving forwards. Theres a solution to every problem. And the last 3 days made me realize that I have so many things to do in life. Im not stopping here. My breath was taken twice by amazing concerts. I can only imagine what else life has to offer.. Keep your heads up kids. Life is worth it. It will always be worth it.