Hope is Here

The fresh breeze brushes against my arm as I type an inspirational story about how I have chosen to change the direction of my life. The students taking summer session at the University pass by as they look down at the ground or their phones. Some talking on the phone and others pacing quickly to proceed with their days. I'm sitting at my absolutely favorite tree, where I wrote my first entry in the diary my brother gave me. I always feel immensely inspired at this spot because it gives me more than just comfort but hope. Its an honor and a blessing to be sitting at a University with a Mac laptop and the ability to write correctly. I have had the chance to get an education and a grandmother who paid for me to get a higher education. Sitting here is more than just an action, it's already a memory engraved in my heart forever. 

Today is no special day except that I have finally come to my senses that I would love to be successful. Instead of just "wanting" to be successful, I am doing everything in my power to "be" successful. I have siblings, cousins, parents, and more that have supported me through this journey only to help me succeed. The unfortunate thing is that I did not take any of that for my first year of college. Many events happened the first months of college and they truly affected me in various ways. I started to give up not only on school but myself as well. I saw no future no matter how much I pushed myself. The more I would try to drown the pain and sorrow, the more they became a burden to my everyday life. I wasn't entirely myself from the months of November to about March. Even in the second semester I had problems focusing on what was important. I was too busy looking at all the things that could possibly distract me. I used every excuse to fail. Every problem became another problem and so on and so forth. I was a legitimate failure for too long. I dont want to keep blaming the events of my life for not succeeding. I am starting to recognize that life has only begun and those 5 to 6 months were only training. I got through them but I barely made it, and I dont ever want to reach rock bottom again. 

These past 2 months have been an epiphany for this path I continue to walk on. I have gained true strength physically, emotionally, and mentally. I have moved out of my house and moved in with a roommate where I have learned true responsibility. I am currently enrolled in a summer session where I also have learned how to focus and the importance of school. Only 4 days into the class and I'm ready to write the paper we are assigned, due at the end of the month. It was like my brain completely shifted in ways I cannot truly explain. I became an actual independent and started to believe in myself. I am starting to see that I can do this no matter what hardships are thrown at me. I am ready to not take on the world but be a part of a revolution. My own little revolution. I will become someone. I will live for the moments but work for the future. I will not be a hero but a legend. I will fail, but only to be successful in the end. 

Still Into You

I have been broken for quite a while now, to the point where I thought I couldn't be fixed. Every girl that tried to talk to me I'd push away because I haven't learned how to let her go. But then I began to talk to a girl who also happens to be broken. She has stopped feeling, she has stopped caring because someone broke her like she broke me. I was attracted to her for her honesty and being up front with me. When she wants to say something to me she'll say it without regret. She's an Aries. They speak their mind and never take a word back. I love that about her. I will always get feedback from her. She has become a great friend to me. I can see the hopelessness in her eyes. I can see the broken piece missing in her smile. But then I made her smile and laugh and something in me lit up. I started to feel alive again. I started to remember what love feels like. This girl is my friend and we will remain friends for as long as possible. In my eyes I see it as a friendship for eternity. I love talking to her about everything. I wake up thinking about her and go to sleep hoping she's thinking about me. I want this friendship to last. I want it to become a relationship where we can help each other heal. I want to be her "perfect" girlfriend. I want her to be mine so I can show off to the world how amazing of a girlfriend I have. Someday I hope this will happen and if it doesn't then I just hope we'll stay great friends. I'm always going to be your friend. I'm always going to be your shoulder to cry on, your friend to hug, your friend to catch your tears before they fall. I love you friend. And I can't wait to see you. Everyday is a day closer to being in your arms. And every time I think of that my heart not only skips a beat but grows bigger for you... Ill be here waiting. Cus I don't wanna be alone. I really wanna be with you...