Divinity

This next blog is solely dedicated to those whom believe they have to be a certain way to be loved.
First things first my name is Amanda and I believe that women and men have a role to play in this world and that is to love themselves fully without any conditions. Love yourself unconditionally because no one else will until you do so first. You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself. I completely understand why people feel they have to live up to others standards. I did so all my life and continue to do so. Why? Because we live in a world where we are convinced that perfection does exist even if we all know it does not. We strive to be like others that are rich and famous, instead of trying to be ourselves we look up to others who at times aren't the most influential people.
I am not here to disrespect anyone in particular but I am here to say that the media is full of shit. We have focused our lives solely on what we watch others do because face it, this world is ran by technology and social media. You don't meet someone at a library anymore, you meet them at the club because the first thing you did was stalk their social networks. We look for answers about ourselves in other people. Our friends, family, partners, and especially those who have a voice on the media. Instead of finding ones inner self we try to be like others, and this generation is supposed to be know as "unique". No we are far from that goal because even though we have made a difference we are still the sheep following all the others because if you stray away you are known as "different" and "weird." In my opinion, those things are not bad at all. Everyone I meet says I'm a bit weird but I'm glad they'll remember me from my strangeness. I will have a spot in their memory as someone that taught them something, and that is to be different and be proud of it.
Back to the main subject. BE YOURSELF. No one else will do that for you because there is no one just like you. It does not matter if you are skinny, fat, short, tall, pretty, or ugly. Those who do not pay attention to their physical attributes pay attention to their personality. They pay attention to the things that matter and that is to leave an impression on the world, help the world become a better place not a
"prettier" place. Looks fade but your character is always there. It's truly a sad thing to see how far we have come but with every step forward, we take three steps back. We continue to degrade people and act as if one sole accomplishment can erase all the negativity we still bring.
I may not be an inspirational person that stands up for everyone because I am still trying to stand up for myself as a person. But the progress of knowing that I deserve better and that I am human and I deserve respect is a bigger step than most. I am so thankful and grateful for those men and women who stand up for themselves and everyone around them. You guys are the real heroes of this age because we will not come to peace with each other until we learn to accept each others lifestyles. We may not agree with it but sometimes the first step to such things is acceptance. If we can accept others and let them live their lives we will be at peace with ourselves.
Don't try to change someone, you will fail miserably. We will fail by trying to change the whole world. Instead we should let everyone bring their own characteristics to the tables and let the true meaning of "uniqueness" begin. We all live in a world of insecurities and hatred, wanting to be someone else because they have more, are more. You are enough to this world. Always believe that because no one will you see your worth but yourself. You have the chance to make something bigger than yourself, always attempt to be a better person than you were yesterday. Don't challenge others, but challenge yourself. Do things that scare you so you don't have the regret of not trying.
Well it's a little scattered, but always remember that you're special in your own way. No one is like you and that's already an accomplishment. Make this cold hearted world see what you have to offer. Stand up for yourself and stand up for others if the situation arises. You might just save someones life with just a word. You're all such beautiful people. You have the ability to speak up, so make a difference and be outstanding. Don't miss your opportunity.
"Ghandi once said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it because nobody else will.
I know this won't change the world but I hope that my words can change your day, your week, or even your life. And if you're reading this and I don't know you, well I love you. Because everyone deserves to be loved.
Thank you.

Unconditional

Excuse me for my absence of such a long time. I took the time to save myself before the tide washed me up on the dirt. Without no clear ending of who I was. I walked the tunnels of heaven, hell, and everything in between. The bitter taste of betrayal and the sweetness of love filled my veins in the past couple of months. A year ago I was a stray being told where to go if I was not welcomed. I was a part of a leaderless pack because no one knew the direction to success. Smoke filled my broken lungs, alcohol ran through my young body, and hatred built up in my heart. I wanted nothing and everything to do with myself. I consumed myself with fear of continuing because at that point I did not see a near future all because of the chains and scars that covered me from head to toe. I was a nobody or should I say a human with no direction or soul. "I tried to save myself but I failed." I covered the pain with laughter, smiles that lasted too long, and happiness that wasn't even real. I wasn't a fake, I promise, I was just being strong because it was expected. Giving up in my family and friends was not optional because than you were defined as a coward. I do not blame them you know. I do not blame them one bit. Cowardice is not acceptable in this world. We are taught to suck it up and "let it go." Well what the hell happens to those who don't have the physical or mental ability to continue? Do we get guilt tripped into thinking we are weak and stupid? No, no. That's not how this works you see. This is how it worked out for me.
Yes, I admit I was a true coward because I did give up and I let myself go. I was so lost yet I thought I was brave to let people see the true side of myself. Just because I am considered a good person doesn't mean I am perfect. I failed too, I failed miserably. At this point I even laugh at how badly I was doing because in my present perspective I am so much different. I made mistakes and here I am still living each day as if it my last. I still cry a lot, I laugh until my belly can no longer take it, and to be honest I still sin like a damn child. I dont mean that in an absolute terrible way, but what can I do? I am 19 and I go to college. And I believe that it's time to let you all know what this is about. Well let me begin with thank you for having reached this far of this writing i guess you can say. Taking the time out to actually read something that has nothing to do with you. But maybe you can take this as a lesson, and maybe you can read between the lines and I may just be relating to you. So here it goes.
9 months ago, almost 10 I started dating someone. Someone I never thought would cross my path. She was the combination of smart and dangerous. She was broken just as much as I was and we had no idea what the hell we had just gotten ourselves into. She is something else let me say. And yes I know you will read this, and you'll wonder what I mean by that. Let me just say this to you, "You're a good kind of crazy" you are my crazy, passionate soul mate who understands me when I look at walls and speak to inanimate objects. As I was saying things were rocky for a while, but what was I expecting from this all. We started at rock bottom and we had to somehow make our way up. We spent all day, everyday together trying to figure out where this would all go. We purposely pushed each others buttons to see if this was true. As I expected I held on tighter than hell, and to my surprise she did too. I was a pain in the ass as was she but it was such a blissful feeling to have someone be so much like me yet be so much different at the same time. She was everything I needed in my life and it's what I got. She was the only one brave enough to reach into the pit to pull me out even if it took  me months to do so. She was there to keep me on track and let me know what I was doing was not impossible. Going from horrible grades and skipping classes consistently to a full schedule of classes and managing to bump up a GPA high enough to call myself a true scholar was just the beginning. I stopped crying so much and I started smiling longer. She was my miracle story. And now we are moving together, ready to begin our lives. I'm not saying that she saved me because its impossible to save someone, but what is possible is to love someone until they begin to save themselves. And thats exactly what she did. I lost so many people in my life in this short amount of time who did not want to stick around and watch me grow. But those who did, and those who chose to get on this insane ride with me, thank you so much for believing in me and not giving up no matter the distance we have. Friends and family I am sorry for "alienating" myself but I needed it. Because guess what I am now a successful and much more positive person. I have a future now, and I know because I can see it. With a diploma in one hand and success in the other. I can do this and I hope this gives those who have no faith in themselves a little piece of hope that I would love to share with you. It's not a bad life, it's truly just a bad day sometimes.
This story will continue because my end is no where near. I will not give up and I promised myself that since the first day I wanted to give up. And this goes out to all those lost souls "Lift up your eyes discouraged one, when you feel like giving up, when they say it can't be done, show them they're wrong". Everyday I prove myself wrong by getting up. Thank you god, my family, my friends and last but not least my best friend Xanthe. I'm back.